my journey contines

i’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. yea, maybe even more than usual, believe it or not… you see, i’ve been thinking about overall how wonderful it’s been to be here in Nicaragua (i know i had a hard time for a while there…). and then i think *gulp* i haven’t been in Toronto for almost a year and a half. my roots will always be there, and that’s where my family is and i can’t WAIT to be with them again. although i also feel like all these new friends i have are now all over the world… and that’s a tad bit lonely. i guess that comes with the territory in this job? but it’s a bit scary.

you see i was also thinking of travelling. my internship is finished April 4th… and i was thinking about the grand idea i’d had to go backpacking through Central America. i was a little afraid that it’ s a now or never thing. when am i going to have the opportunity to come back here? and it’s much easier when i’m young, and single and don’t have a job (minus the $ part…). that’s not to say that i imagine myself getting married anytime soon unless there’s somebody very important that some of you have waiting for me to meet? ahahaha… but. in all seriousness, yea. i bought this awesome backpack!! i wanted to use it… soooooooooo these are some of the ifs, ors and buts in my head at the moment.

and when i DO come home. then what? it’s exciting, right? the world is my oyster. but i don’t like oysters… haha. i like home and my family. and change is good. it’s the one certain thing in this world, next to death and taxes. and sheryl crow always told me that “A Change Would Do You Good”…

*gulp*

the next unknown.

thanks for reading
Shannon

i’ve not been blogging much lately as i’ve been kinda having a bit of up and down emotional rollercoaster… but it’s still important to me to keep in touch with you. and i still so very much appreciate all of your love and prayers and support as you journey with me.

i found Living Truth on YouTube the other day… it’s great because unfortunately I can’t watch it online here and I cannot order them to come here — it would take too long by the time they arrived I’d be gone. for those of you who don’t know what Living Truth is, it’s the televised preaching of Charles Price from the People’s Church Toronto. the most recent sermon i watched was entitled “When the Things over our Heads are Under His Feet”.

some thoughts from that…
“the safest place for an airplane to be is sitting on the runway doing nothing. but that’s also the most useless place for it to be. in a very similar way, life was designed to run with risk. we were intended to live lives that are going to involve us in risk. not wreckless risk of our own chosing, but… risk that comes from obeying and trusting the Lord Jesus Christ. and yet there are lots of us who would rather sit on the ground where the aircraft will never get into trouble, but never do anything either and never get anywhere.”

I don’t want to be one of those people that “sits on the runway” doing nothing… with opportunities and capabilities but not using them to the fullest capacity.

“John in his gospel calls miracles signs. they are not an end in themselves, but rather a pointer to something else… [John 20:30-31] Miracles are to 1) know who He is (Jesus is Christ), 2) know what He gives (life in all its fullness) and 3) that we might know how to respond.”

In this sermon the pastor spoke about the storm where Peter walked on the water. Life have its rough and rigid edges whether you’re a Christian or not — it’s life. We get sick, we die, we have accidents, etc. The rain falls on the just and the unjust alike. God doesn’t take us out of these things… “Jesus 1) permits storms, 2)provides storms, 3) protects in storms”.

so what have I been re-thinking? just doing some soul-searching I guess you’d say, to use that over-used term… re-focusing maybe is a better word. it’s very easy in life to get distracted with all the things that are in life. if you’ve been reading my blog for some time you likely read my post about living in the now instead of always waiting for the future. it’s easy to float back to lose focus or to live for a moment other than now. there must be a happy medium. being thankful for today - focused in this moment and on the future, to press on for joy.

my dad gave me this analogy the other day… if you’re driving a car and just looking down at the road right in front or at something on the windshield instead of out ahead, you’ll not drive straight and inevitably you’ll crash! so it’s important to look out ahead. sometimes that means making difficult choices in the now or avoiding the little distractions.

“sometimes it’s in a crisis where everything else that we normally trust and rely on are taken from us, that become our most teachable moments and we learn our best lessons.”

i’m starting to journal again regularly which i believe is very beneficial… sort out my thoughts, process some things, etc. and i’ve started reading a new Brennan Manning book, “A Glimpse of Jesus: The Stranger to Self Hatred”.

and if you’d like to watch the sermon i’ve referred to that has been on my mind in this rethinking, click this link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJc3DCMNegs&feature=user (it’s on YouTube) and feel free to watch it yourself.

as always, thanks for reading.
Shannon

so have you ever been walking and thinking (or talking) to yourself about life and wondered how your train of thought progresses. i mean, really, if you haven’t wondered about yourself but you’ve talked with me you’ve likely wondered about me. (like, where did THAT idea come from?)

i find myself thinking a lot. a good friend told me once, “Shan you’re always in your head.”– but it’s true! i am guilty of over-thinking things and i’m definitely an emotional person so i guess sometimes that’s a bad combo… but on the flip side, sometimes your greatest weakness can also be a great strength. re: it’s something great about you but not good in extremes? am i making sense? i don’t know. (testing 1…2…3…)

for example i was thinking last night, where is it that God wants me to go? i believe, here, in this moment, He wants me to be here, in Managua, Nicaragua. but then i have other moments where i’m like ARGHHH why can’t I do this? what am I thinking? this is CRAZY!!! and THEN, i also have other moments where, like last night, I’m out with friends, having a blast, and thinking “Wow I’m going to cry so hard when I have to leave this place.” So there’s some of those emotions for you — don’t even try to pin it on girls being difficult to understand, it’s the emotions I tell you! We all have them and I think sometimes we can’t figure out our own emotions.

i am a people person. no doubt about it. i would rather sit and talk with a person, hear their life story, share some of mine, exchange ideas, talk for hours and hours than sit in my room and read. that doesn’t mean i don’t like to read, btw. i’m just more extroverted, i get my energy from being with other people. and i feel like here, i REALLY get more energy from being with locals. i mean that’s why I came, there’s something inside me that wants to make a difference somewhere in the world. no i can’t change all the economic problems, the social stratification, the gender relations and inequality between men and women… but i can usually put a smile on somebody’s face, i can make a person laugh, and i can be a good friend.

i am happy to have so many friends of all different varieties - how boring would life be if everything tasted like salt. re: all different kinds of friends, all different kind of flavors. (i bet you didn’t see that analogy coming, didja? hehe) i feel like going home for 10 days there are going to be some clarifying moments - when you’ve been away from it all. life changes, people change, lives go in different directions. there are a few friends i feel like i can always pick up where we left off… and i like that!

and really i’m rambling. i’m totally rambling today. but that’s okay, because this is my blog and this is me.

thanks for reading
Shannon

context is everything. or is it? i mean it definitely weighs a whole lot. but how much is relative? i mean post-modern thinking would say that everything is relative. i wouldn’t agree with that… i definitely think there are absolutes. the sun will shine again, tomorrow will come (Lord willing), there will be other papers/reports to write at some point in life, love, loss, etc. there are a lot of conditional things too though. if you do this then…. if you don’t do this, then… when this happens people think…

but who cares

ramblings, i guess… nonsensical, perhaps. but this is MY blog hehe i can write about whatever i’d like. and this is sorta what was on my mind… asides IDPs. (internally displaced persons). back to my paper.

thanks for reading
shannon

p.s. part of my ramblings may be due to the fact that i haven’t spoken to more than 2 people all day. i REALLY need to get outside tomorrow - BEACH day w/ Rebecca.

I’ve been thinking a lot about life lately, yea kinda on the large scale. Thinking about time, how things change, life moves on, events keep flying by.

There were two things that were particularly on my mind.

1) Live in the present.
Rob Bell has a quote from his upcoming NOOMA disc entitled “Today”"There’s a certain kind of despair that sets in when we believe that things were better back then, When we’re stuck back there… when we’re not fully present, when we’re still holiding on to how things were, our arms aren’t free to embrace today”

There’s nothing wrong with looking back at wonderful memories and reminiscing joys and laughs shared in the past. That’s part of the miracle that makes up memories. I mean, have you ever stopped to think “Wow, I’m glad I have those memories. I cherish those memories.” If not, maybe it’s something you shouldthink about doing… Imagine life without memories. If you’ve ever had a loved one struggling with alzheimer’s you can imagine the challenge that it wouldbe. It would be lonely to be without our memories and they’re truly a blessing…. however, at the same time if we forever live and remain in thosemoments we are actually holding ourselves back.

At the same time, have you ever caught yourself constantly living for tomorrow? “When I do ______”… or “I can’t wait until _____”. How about”Only 3 more days and then this is over!” I raise my hand to that one because I’m definitely guilty of that. I have one friend imparticular that comesto mind from growing up - she always lived in the future. Always planning another event, always waiting on tomorrow… but I often wondered if she paused toenjoy today. It’s a definite balance, although really when you think about it, the future is unknown. I mean, nobody knows what’s going to happen tomorrow…I really feel challenged to live in the now. Enjoy today, this moment. It’s a gift because it’s the future that you actually have - it’s certain. It’s happening right now!

2) Live each moment to the fullest.
Now don’t get me wrong and misinterpret me here. I’m not saying to party like there’s no tomorrow or to go and start doing wreckless things… But startto realize and enjoy life’s little moments. Look outside: is it raining? cloudy? sunny? snowing? certainly not boring. Maybe i’m going all mushy to some of you but just pause to think about it. Tuesday night I went out and just stood in the rain with my roommate Dawn. It was a nice feeling… I rememberas a child you feel like you have all the time in the world. As an adult you feel that you never had enough. So where in between do we lose that? I think it’s something we have to consciously take back or else we won’t end up enjoying it. Of course there are responsibilities. For many of my friends rightnow we’re in school, in fact in “crunch time” right now. It’s a blessing to be here! So many people don’t get this opportunity to learn and to be taughtby insightful professors with international insight and experience. Sitting in a room with other friends in silence. It’s actually really nice - enjoyit. Music, listen to the words. Look anywhere around you and see the beauty of creation. It’s spectacular! And I think as we’re exposed to it for so longwe just begin to take it for granted. The world is full enough of tragedy, pain and brokenness…. but not everything is broken. Enjoy the beauty andsimplicity of each moment.

Also, I really am starting to become more of the mindset that when you have a new opportunity, go for it!! (Again, of course acting with reason andcommon sense) But is there something you haven’t done? Your friends going somewhere you’ve never gone? “I’ll do that someday”. How do you know that? It’sgreat to plan… but do it now! It’s a strange example to some of you, but I’ll keep using it as an example. If i continued the way I used to be, I’d neverpick up volleyball or tennis racket. Yea, I definitely wasn’t born brimming with athletic ability. haha… I used to be the type of person who always gotpicked last, i almost always get hit (in the face no less) by the ball in almost all sports, etc. Ok, you get the picture enough of that. hahaha…. anyways lately i’ve just ignored that part and gotten out to play volleyball, badminton, just to be outside. and i’ve really enjoyed it! too tame for you? put it in your own context… what are you missing out on just for the sake of missing it?

I’ve had a lot of my friends say “I could never do what you’re doing… that’s crazy!” Well, not everybody is called to move halfway around the world orto work internationally. It’s the same way not everyone is called to be a firefighter or to work in the police force. But who’s to say that you can’t do it? Start looking for places to volunteer? Stop spending $6 a day at starbucks (not directed at anybody…i promise i know tons of you that read this go theredaily hehe). it’s just to say that… you can do it if you really want to. there are tons of ways to get involved.

Life has responsibilities and I would never suggest to desert them. However, life is full of opportunities! Don’t miss them.

Have I had a few things on my mind? Yea I have hehe… Live in the present and live each moment to the fullest! Don’t let life pass you by!

you know how some people go to church just for Christmas and Easter? or maybe even just Easter. church was packed today and you never know what word, what sermon, what friendly gesture or even what moment of silence God will use to work in a person’s heart. each person has totally different experiences and backgrounds from which they come - but something in each person’s heart caused them to be in church this morning.

today, at church, the pastor spoke about the response of individuals to Jesus’ Resurrection and the fear that was in their hearts - as could be expected… but how did they respond? the soldiers were paralyzed with fear and fell to the ground as though they were dead. here they were charged with the responsibility of guarding the tomb and they just were in fear for their life, shocked and i’m sure a number of other feelings… the women on the other hand, had a different response. they too were likely afraid and had fear in their hearts… but they ran. Jesus met them not at the tomb (asides from Mary), these other women, he met them on the path. in order for this to happen they had to move. yes they had fear, even in that fear they expressed joy. but they had to act despite the fear… and Jesus met them on their way.

it struck a cord with me because it really made me think… it’s true we do not have to fear because God is our strength. in Him, we are strong. but there are still moments in time, where for whatever the reason may be, we truly experience fear. fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, fear of some overwhelming challenge that lies ahead, etc. the pastor listed several… this is normal, we’re humans. but what Jesus calls us to do is respond.

Pastor Leonard talked about the realities. some of us may be strong and be able to “run” towards Jesus, strong in our faith and in our calling/direction. some of us may just be able to “walk”. even yet others of us, burdened down with different struggles etc. may only be able to “crawl”. when we move, Jesus will meet us where we are. He will be there with arms open, extending his nail pierced hands and offering grace. we must not be paralyzed by fear or indecision.

me, for my current situation, i considered how this relates. although it really ties in to every facet of life, i am most concerned about where i will do my field placement. i don’t have a sense of direction in terms of exactly where i am called to go or specifically what i am called to do. but i believe God will open the door, I have to step out in faith… easier said than done, yes. but today i was reminded that although it is unknown and new to me, Jesus will meet me there. he has opened door after door and blessed me with much. He’s not going to abandon me now… and it’s so encouraging.

so let me encourage you also… God cares about you and where you are, be it running, walking or crawling in your day to day struggles. don’t be paralyzed with fear; rather, be encouraged. know that God’s grace extends also to you.

“When we advertise the gospel in terms of the world’s values, we lie to people. We lie to them, because this is new life. It involves following Jesus. It involves the Cross. It involves death, an acceptable sacrifice. We give up our lives…It’s learning how to die. And as you learn how to die, you start losing all your illusions, and you start being capable now of true intimacy and love.”
Eugene Peterson, in Christianity Today Interview March, 2005

you see lately i’ve been feeling that God’s teaching me some life lessons. amidst trials and joys, stress and excitment, and in the quietness God can teach us so much. He’s been drawing me into a deeper relationship with Him and helping me to understand that He really loves me.

i fell asleep praying the other night. i used to feel bad about doing that but my dad gave me a comparison one day and it’s stuck with me (not that i make a habit of falling asleep during prayer haha). when you were a little child and came home from a day at school or play, imagine you crawled up to sit on your dad’s lap. “guess what happened today!” regardless of the story being about crayons or bugs or a bully or a favourite song…. a dad would be eager to hear about it. was it because the story in and of itself was important to him? it would be more because of the child’s preciousness and the love that a father has for his child. as the child is asking his father questions (why? how does this work? can you help me with this? i don’t understand this? and then johnny…. etc.) they snuggle up and get comfy. imagine drifting to sleep in the arms of your father. would the father stop and get angry? would he shake the child and get frustrated that they didn’t finish their story? no! rather he’d continue to hold that child and appreciate the desires of them to share the events of their day. i like to think that in the same way God holds us in the palm of His hand and i don’t think God gets mad if we drift asleep occasionally in conversation with Him.

as though i have any time (or money) to get new books… despite that, i did order one that i got in the mail the other day. “abba’s child” by brennan manning, the author of the ragamuffin gospel. there’s a quote in the preface that i wanted to share with you… it’s a blessing written by larry kein, manning’s mentor.

“may all your expectations be frustrated, may all your plans be thwarted, may all your desires be withered into nothingness, that you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child and sing and dance in the love of God who is Father, Son, and Spirit has come up with another one.”